Divorce Triage: What to Do When Everything Feels Like It’s Falling Apart
“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” – J.K. Rowling
Divorce isn’t a clean break. It’s a chaotic shattering.
It doesn’t matter if you saw it coming or if it blindsided you like a dump truck with no brakes. When your relationship ends, everything feels urgent. Your brain goes into overdrive:
Where will I live? How will I afford this? What will happen with the kids?
And then, underneath it all: Who the hell am I now?
This is what I call divorce triage. And no, it’s not pretty. But it is necessary. And it’s the first step to surviving the mess, so you can eventually rebuild something better.
Triage Isn’t Pretty. It’s Honest.
Triage means stopping the bleeding. Prioritizing. Stabilizing. It’s that phase where survival is the win — not grace.
Let me paint you a picture from my own past:
I was sitting on the kitchen floor of my new apartment, my daughter watching as I sobbed into a roll of paper towels. I had a head cold. I had debt. I had no plan. And then my ex called me from the bookstore asking which DIY divorce kit he should buy.
Triage looked like:
Crying.
Swearing.
Ordering pizza because I couldn't face making a meal.
Offering strong, unwavering guidance and support for my daughter at night while she exposed her wounds to me from the "mean girls" at school, then collapsing into bed and doing the same.
It was ugly. But it was real. And more importantly, it was mine.
You don’t need to look like you have it together. You don’t need perfect spreadsheets or colour-coded co-parenting calendars (yet). You need permission to fall apart, as long as you fall forward.
What Divorce Triage Actually Looks Like
Here are the 5 key areas of triage that I wish someone had handed me back then:
1. Stop the Emotional Bleeding
Limit contact with your ex to essentials only.
Block the in-laws, the nosy neighbour, the friend who “just wants to help by sharing the gossip."
Don’t go to that family dinner. You don’t owe anyone an explanation yet.
2. Prioritize Your Kids' Stability
One safe meal a day and a hug that lasts 30 seconds longer than usual. That counts.
Let them feel whatever they feel. Even if it’s silence.
You don't need Pinterest lunches or pretend smiles. You just need to be consistent, even in the chaos.
3. Get Clear on Money — But Don’t Try to Solve It All
Open your own bank account.
Pull your credit report.
Cancel the joint Amazon Prime and Netflix. Yes, even that. Little steps count.
4. Protect Your Sanity
Journal. Rage-write. Burn it if you have to.
Make one appointment: therapist, doctor, friend with wine.
Get off social media for a bit. Watching your ex post selfies with cryptic captions is emotional self-harm.
5. Accept That Survival Is Enough
If you showered and didn’t scream today, that’s enough.
If your kid got to school with two matching shoes, that’s enough.
If you said, "I need help" even once — that’s everything.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Just in Triage.
I didn’t know who I was for a long time. I tried to be strong and smile in public while privately drowning. But each time I chose one small thing to stabilize — a bill paid, a bedtime story read, a deep breath before responding to a nasty text — I moved forward.
You don’t need to leap. You just need to inch.
The grace will come later. For now, let honesty be your balm.
Because triage isn’t pretty. It’s honest. And that’s more than enough right now.
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