How to Reclaim Your Identity After Divorce: A Real-Time Guide for Women Still Figuring It Out

“Getting ready to get ready will never let you be ready.” – Me (and maybe also your higher self whispering in your ear right now)

I used to cross-stitch.

Not in a cute, "Pinterest-craft-night-with-the-girls" kind of way.

I did it during my first marriage — threading colour into cloth with clenched teeth, hoping the rhythmic stabbing of needle through fabric would carve out a tiny patch of me.

It was the only thing that felt like mine in a life where everything else was about keeping the peace, meeting expectations, and not taking up too much space.

By my second marriage, even that small rebellion was gone. I swapped embroidery hoops for business kits and rank goals, pouring myself into Amway.

I believed in the dream. I just didn’t believe in myself.

So I chased it inconsistently, always worried I’d screw it up. And eventually? I did. It all crumbled. Not because the dream was a lie, but because I didn’t yet believe I was worthy of it.

High-achieving became my armour.
If I could over-function, outperform, and over-give… maybe I wouldn’t feel so empty inside.

These days, I still carry a lot. I’m the support beam for many people I love. And I do it willingly — because that’s who I am. But some days, I hear a voice deep inside whispering: But who are you… to you?

And if I’m honest? I still don’t know who I am outside of the roles I play.

I’m building Positive Divorce Blueprint in real-time, not from a place of “I’ve arrived,” but from the trenches of “I’m still figuring it out.”

And if that’s where you are, too? You’re not alone.

If you feel lost right now, here’s what I want you to know:

1. You’re not broken — just buried.

You’ve spent years being what everyone else needed.
It’s no wonder your own identity feels like it slipped out the back door.

You didn’t lose yourself because you’re weak.
You adapted. You survived.
That’s not failure. That’s brilliance.

But now, you get to stop shrinking.

2. Identity is not a fixed destination — it’s a living, breathing process.

The culture loves to sell us “reinvention stories” where the heroine wakes up one day, tosses out her wedding ring, and suddenly becomes a pottery-making, yoga-practicing, avocado-farming goddess.

I call BS.

Real identity work is more like this:

• Putting on a playlist that you actually like

• Saying “no” and not explaining why

• Finding five quiet minutes to breathe and not check your phone

• Remembering that you matter, even when you’re not producing, fixing, or helping someone else

3. You don’t need to be fully healed to help someone else.

Here’s the part I’ve wrestled with most: How can I guide others when I still feel stuck?

But the truth is, you don’t need to be finished to be valuable.

You don’t need a glossy identity before you can love and serve and grow and hold space for someone else’s becoming.

I created Positive Divorce Blueprint not because I have it all figured out.
But because I don’t — and I was tired of pretending I did.

This isn’t a masterclass. It’s a sisterhood.
And if all I can offer today is a flashlight while we crawl through the dark together?
That’s still light.

So… how do you begin reclaiming your identity?

You start small.

You start with something — anything — that is just yours.
You stop waiting to “feel ready.”

Wait… I need to repeat this one:

You stop waiting to “feel ready.”

Getting ready to get ready will never let you be ready. (Say that ten times, fast.)

So let’s restart that recap (as I steal more of the precious time you don’t have).

So… how do you begin reclaiming your identity?

You start small.

You start with something — anything — that is just yours.
You stop waiting to “feel ready.”
You look at your own reflection and whisper: I’m still in here. And I’m coming for you.

One Last Thing… (I swear!)

If you’re not sure who you are anymore, let that be your starting point, not your shame.
You are not behind. You are not failing.
You are becoming.

And I, for one, can’t wait to see who we become.

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